Turning The Green Light

Priorities Before The World Ends

Hollywood has made a lot of suggestions on what will become of us humans  in the near future. Weather patterns, bacteria and mass consumption have all taken their turn as villain on the stage. But before we all get swept away by a giant wave that comes out of a volcano from outer space on the date 12/12/2012 at 12:12:12 in the afternoon (just a guess) I think it would be to the benefit of our wellbeing if we turned our attention to the contents of our pockets.

Fierce Competition

I have yet to run across a greater competitor for the attention of the humans I know, than the cell phone. It might just be a personal experience; having to do more with my Southern upbringing and my propensity towards boring, anecdote-laden conversation but I really don’t think so. It appears it’s becoming easier to connect with people digitally than in “real life”.

A Word On Southerners

By the way, have you ever seen 2 Southerners discover each other at a social gathering? They will sit eye to eye and talk about the worst subjects for hours on end, overjoyed that they have finally found someone that can go round for round with their gab and meet their 75,000 words a day minimum. It’s exhausting to watch and even more so to participate in, but I love it.

Back to the Phones.

I know people who look down at their phones during conversation so much that I can recognize them more by their thinning hairlines than their faces. Conversely, there are those who I can’t remember what the bottom half of their face looks like anymore because of the obstructing view of a phone. The only sight is a harshly illuminated half-head with eyes scanning side to side, eyebrows dancing, telling the story of something far superior in entertainment value than what I was bringing to the table. It’s honesty in its most unfiltered, raw form.

No Love For 4 Bars

I count my blessings though. I could be single. That has to be the worst, at this point in history. I can’t imagine having to compete with a phone when talking with a potential love interest. Brace yourselves for old-man moment……no, not that.  When I was single, a young man had to come up with something charming to say if the conversation was taking a dive. If he failed, the resulting silence would create an awkward void that if not quickly filled might result in a catastrophic event such as some other, better looking, more entertaining person coming along and reducing your presence to irrelevant and/or burdensome. But, now at the slightest hint of approaching boredom a phone pops up to the rescue like a plastic encased superhero successfully battling the foes of dullness and awkward silence. It’s a grim situation.

Wryly Evolved

People talk about cell phone associated brain tumors but I’m not too worried about that. Because as long as cell phones keep squashing the courting rituals of the young, soon the only people procreating will be those in bad cell phone reception areas. De-evolution at it’s most ironic. But, please don’t think I would have anything against those kids. One a scale from “hilariously cute” to “all of them are smarter than me” I rate all kids a “10/yes”. I just don’t want to have one kind of people ruling my life 50 years from now.

nO oNe Is sAFe

This is not a struggle exclusive to single people. I’ve heard the frustrations of many who have dared to engage in competition with a phone and have lost the battle for the affections of their lover. Are we this afraid of the potential for boredom?

My Favorite Animal

As it turns out, awkward silence is an oxymoron. What is awkward is that people are still talking long after they should have stopped. The mouth kept moving against better judgment and a tool had to be devised to block its relentless projection of uninvited and unwanted drivel. We wanted constant entertainment and a more sterile way to connect and we found a way to accomplish this and filter it down to a product to our exact specifications and liking. Communication and information is no longer what we appreciate, but instead bullet point summaries free of small talk, and the stories, and statistical analysis that speaks to the most obscure carved out niches in our brains. And if during my reading on wildlife conservation my brain says, “OMG! Rhinoceros pictures!” then there is an awesome link I can click on and then… “OMG! Rhinoceri with funny hats pictures and video!” then there’s that for me too. Awesome. And so the segmented reading that has become the signature of the Wiki web will be engaged until my brain says “enough…mor coffee plz”.

Maybe Next Time

I keep wondering how many times I’ve missed out on bumping into an old friend because I was distracted by my phone. Maybe I was even sending them a message, or maybe I was just trying to ward off the awkwardness of being in public alone and the potential to have to talk to a stranger.